Ok.. found out something while going through my mom's stuff. I always knew she was a sorority girl at her college- but it was the Deaf University- Gallaudet in Washington DC, (The Standford/Harvard of the Only Deaf University in the World) and while it was a sorority at her school, it wasn't the same as the "official" Greek system across American campuses. Nothing wrong with her sorority. It was pretty neat from what I could see, and probably in many respects a lot like many other sororities like mine- even to this day.
I remember writing home from college and asking my mom if it was ok if I joined a sorority at my college campus. I sent her the stuff I got from the house, and told her how much I liked the girls and could I join? If they asked me? It was going to be expensive- more than what school cost with all of the dues and things. And my mom wrote back, and said. "Yes, you should. I was in a sorority and I loved that time in school and my friendships with the members. You should. It will be fine." It was always fine with my mom. "It's fine."
I wondered if I would fit in there. You know, it was a varied group of girls. Some were from out of state, and not like the typical "in-state" girl. Some of the girls, you sort of got the impression that they were well taken care of by their families. They had cars; even new cars, nice clothes, nice stuff. Me, I was a child of deaf parents, blue collar by any measure; and while my parents worked very hard to achieve the American Dream... they were not wealthy-rich or even upper middle-by any means. I was lucky to go to college on loans and what cash they had saved, and I never had a car. We were strictly - middle class, government payroll - family. I guess in today's world that would be a really good - upper middle class gig for most families. After all, my parents worked at their careers for 30+ years, it did turn out to be a huge benefit for them and we all were grateful for the opportunities given to them. I think about that in today's economy and with the struggles that my husband and I and other family members have had to go through the past few years. My parents were fortunate. Very fortunate.
So I did join the sorority. It was a nice place, and really I loved it. I did. I loved the Monday night formal dinners, where the food was home cooked and there was china, and sterling silver and a matronly housemother and it was just so-oh-how do you say it without being ridiculous -so "country club." It certainly wasn't what I was used to. I didn't belong there; really I didn't. But I kept remembering my Mom. She did it. With the railroad engineer dad, and a mom that was ill and dying; she somehow melded into her east coast "sorority life". So I joined, and there were other girls like me too. We all just went through the motions of school and social life and really we all got out of it what we put into it. Songs, Sweatshirts, Boys, Functions, Parties; I ate it up.
Throughout my years there, I kept thinking, well maybe this is the ticket in? Into a higher social circle? Outside of the circle I was cast from? Maybe if I meet the right people, do the whole school thing, and meet the right guy- the law student, the nerdy guy... maybe? I wondered. It didn't really happen that way for my mom. She did the big University, she did the sorority stuff, I've rummaged through her pictures with her dates with what looked to be aspiring young successful men. But she didn't do that. She chucked it all and got on a train and came out west. To be a teacher. A teacher at a deaf school which when I found her first year contract the other day it stated "Congratulations- you're hired.... starting pay $320 a month for 9 months." I suppose my mom thought that was a great thing. It probably was. Her mother had passed away, her sister was getting married or already was, her dad wasn't in such great health, and her brother wasn't really any help. So she never looked back and got on the train. She'd never been anywhere out west. She had one friend that was here. She met my dad later that year, he was a roofer. They had an excellent life together.
It's funny how lives parallel each other. I did the same thing as my mom. I had the sorority life. I have great friendships from my time there, and still do to this day. But, I married a guy - sort of just like my dad. Handy, physical, good looking, knows things about life and hard work, a loving father and admittedly a laborer of sorts. So we're really middle class. So sometimes just the option of being in the sorority life doesn't automatically admit you to the "good life". Maybe it was a fait du accompli. It was my choice. I bowed out. I looked for other things in my life, not necessarily worse - and perhaps better--for me. Just different. Like my mom.
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